Career Zen Chapter Seven

C a r e e r   Z e n
by Larry Daly, 'The JOB DOC'

Chapter 7.   REALISTIC EXPECTATIONS

Career Rule #49
Before you start to work for any company, prepare for your departure from that company. Keep in mind every morning that this might be your last day in this job, and be prepared to go out the door, just as you are.
When I was fired by one of the most venerable organizations in New York, it was by phone, to me at home, and I was not even allowed to return for my personal things; they were to be sent to me (in two boxes, but only one box arrived, weeks later, and my collection of about 40 classical tapes and a dozen or so computer books and some other personal items I had in my work space -- not even an office, just an area in the basement, where I had cheerfully and willingly worked for more than two years! -- never arrived back in my hands). Life is full of surprises.
Lesson: If you ever take any job, or most anything else in the world, for granted, you deserve the results. Even if you do a great job, have the best connections, and so on, any company can let you go at will, any hour of any day they want, even if you have a contract. (A contract will help, and your termination will be more gracious, and can even be very profitable, but it is still being fired, and can be just as sudden.) Read the business news and note how many corporate CEOs and Presidents are fired every day of the year, even if doing well, and sometimes because they are doing great, and someone else wants to buy or merge with the company because of that, but wants to run it themselves, maybe to take the credit, not just the money. A lot of life and business is ego. Big ego. Or a relative of the owner wants your title. Or for any of forty other unreasonable reasons, let alone justifiable ones like losing your temper and saying anything dumb, or accusation of theft, or of anything else possibly justifiable.
Keep in mind that every employer has prepared for your departure from day one, also. They all have the mechanism in place and well oiled, from hiring and firing all of the people before you. After all, that's why they each have a 'human resources' department. The survival and continued profit of any company are more important than any one employee, and even more important than hundreds or thousands. RIF (Reduction In Force) may be necessary for the survival of the company, as happened so often in the '77 cutbacks, and again in 1995-8. Several million perfectly good, honest, hardworking, trusting employees were RIFed, often without much warning, or even the day after they were sincerely assured of their job security. How many such corporate 'blood - baths' must there be before every employee learns that his or her job is the most insecure thing in their lives, and learn to be prepared from day one for their last day? Always be prepared to land on your feet some place better. And always have a second job or source of income, so RIFing can't really zap you.
Keep in mind that people run a company. If those people change, as they so often do, that company is actually no longer the same company that you began working for last year, or ten or twenty years ago. Your first CEO saw the company mission as growth, while today's boss sees it as profitability, and the coming one, seeking acquisition or merger, may see diversification the primary goal. Is that new boss one you can believe in, and his new mission one you can support whole - heartedly?
To protect yourself for when this happens to you, keep every memo, and reports of every discussion with superiors and other officers, and every name and address, in duplicate at home. And in every other possible way, cover your back. You never know when you will need it. Such information can even help you win an unjust termination lawsuit, maybe for a very large sum, if it ever becomes critical. Spend the necessary time on your way home, or an hour every evening at home, keeping a log of such things. Including ideas you submitted for improvement of products or processes, etc. Many times a company decides to use someone's ideas after he is gone. Won't they voluntarily send you 'your' share of the profit? Yeah, right! Don't be naive. Keep a log, religiously, every day. Don't try to catch up tomorrow, or next week, or once a month. Write it all down every day. And remember the rule about never doing things alone, only with others: Always have witnesses when you suggest or submit ideas. Just one good idea could be worth millions to the company. And to you. If you are smart.
One of the best books I have ever read on being terminated, and recommend it without reservation to every employee in America, and consider it required reading for all of my clients, is: "FIRED? FIGHT BACK!", by Mr. X, (a nationally recognized top management consultant and former HR manager at several major corporations), published by AMACOM (American Management Assoc.) in 1995.   ISBN 0-8144-7875-1. Just $16.95 in paperback. I wish I had known years ago what I learned from that book. My own experiences justify his words.

Career Rule #50
If you do not agree 100% with the goals, attitude, management, or any other aspect of the company you now work for, get out immediately. Leave. ASAP. That is the main purpose of having a second income - so that you can afford to be honest to yourself and to help you avoid becoming economically indentured by your needs and debts. And, in some cases, to help you avoid going to prison, if your company is breaking the law and you can in any way be considered an accessory. It happens every year. An honest employee is doing his best, and suddenly finds himself being hand-cuffed and taken to the local gendarmerie and accused of awful things of which he is not always perfectly innocent, and sometimes not unknowing. He was just trying to get along, obeying orders, doing a few favors for the manager, making a few brownie points, whatever was necessary to keep his job, and maybe get a raise or bonus.
Don't do it.
If you ever have even one doubt that what is going on is not absolutely honest and aboveboard, get out, fast. Now. Today. The law does not give you credit for good intentions. Never rationalize it, or force yourself to do anything you suspect, not for one minute. Not until tomorrow, or next week, or you have x dollars in the bank. Get out and be free to follow your own morals and ideals. If any company tries to prevent you from having a second income, that in itself is suspicious - do they want to make you so dependent upon them that you must do whatever they want? Exactly. (In fact, if you work for any department of New York's government -- and of other cities and states, I've heard, but can not confirm -- it is a strictly enforced rule that you must have their permission to have a second job, so I would never work for the Government.) Make it an amicable departure if you can, but leave anyway you must. Especially beware those " . . . to the death" types of organizations that want your soul as well as your body. In the Marines or Air Force or other legitimate organization espousing such creeds, that is one thing. In a business . . . ? Forget it.

Shopping for a Better Job
This is what is called the repositioning of something in your mind and perceptions. In the old days the worker wanted to be hired, and gave away to an employer the right to make that decision, often to his detriment as he became an employee.
Today, as a career professional, you are no longer just selling or hiring out your time or efforts or abilities. You are not just renting out your knowledge and experience. You are offering an employer results. And you are going to get paid and recompensed much more highly, as a result, as well as keeping your autonomy and personal decision - making options, if you can and DO produce results.
Look at it this way: When you shop for a car, you look for good gas mileage, efficiency, comfort, agility, performance, color, size, acceleration, design, or other characteristics that are important to you, not to someone else, and certainly not to the dealer.
Same in shopping for a job. But instead of off - road handling, you will be looking for money, perks, medical and dental plan, vacation time, and whatever other benefits you seek or are important to you. Do you need flextime, or day care for a child, or contribution to your further education in the form of company recompense for some courses? And once you have that knowledge, does your pay go up, or are you assured of transfer to a desired department, or other recognition? As you would in shopping for a car or house, make out a list of things in the order in which they are necessary to you, and put dollar amounts next to each item on that list. One dollar amount for what it will cost you, and a second dollar amount on what it will (or should) bring in, and a third amount for what it should be worth to your employer in the form of a raise or other benefit of value to you.
Shopping for a car, you offer dollars.
Shopping for a job, you offer results.
Car: trade in value in a year or two for a better one, maybe a newer model.
Job: trade it in, in a year or two, for a better one, paying more, or for whatever else you desire.
Car: always keep looking.
Job: always keep looking.
Car: it won't last forever, so from day one, always look for resale opportunities. Look for future value before you sign. As Toyota says in their ad, a better new car makes a better used car.
Job: it won't last forever (ten years is max, and three to five most likely, in the faster paced future), so, from day one, always keep looking for a better departure package. Look for future value before you sign. A better job this year means even better ones in your coming years. And a bigger raise this year means much bigger raises in your following years.
In the old days you were valued by how many people you were in charge of.
Today it is how few.
Example: This month we sold 4,000 widgets, and 15,000 this quarter, with a staff of only 12 people, and at 3% less cost than last quarter. Bottom line. Results. Next month we have to sell 5,000, or 18,000 next quarter, with only 11 staff, and 4% under this quarter. Why? Because all those offshore companies are already catching up. Taiwan. Korea. China. Mexico. And many others. Maybe Afghanistan, in a few years. We need results. Bigger results, with less staff. Or the ruthless competition will run me over, and I go down the drain. I have no time for BS or sentiment. This is business. If I can not give my customers what they want, they will go to someone else who can. It is really that clear - cut and that simple. My customers do not have to buy from me. They are free to choose between me and anyone else who makes my kind of product or offers anything similar to my service. So I am squeezed between what my output costs and what my customers will pay. I need more results for less money. The day I went into this business I did not get any guarantee that it would be profitable. Or even that I would be able to stay in business. If my employees want more and my customers pay less, I go broke, go out of business, and can't hire anyone, or sell anything, to anybody. I will have to go back to working for someone else, just like most other people do, to keep a roof over my family and put food on the table.
So, to sum up, shopping for a job is at least as important as shopping for car or house; they cost money, but the job brings in money, and more, so it is at least as important to do at least as well.

Assertiveness
You filled out a lot of forms upon being hired. Seldom are such forms of much use to you. They are usually filed away and ignored until a problem arises, or the annual review time comes up. Worse, your immediate superior seldom knows what is in those files, or uses what he knows about you. Therefore . . .
It is up to you to be well used by your company.
It is up to you to make sure that not only your employment or personnel department knows what you want them to know about you, but also to make sure that your immediate boss (and his boss, also) knows what you most like to do and not do. And as much about your goals and career objectives as it is best for you for them to know. You can not rely upon them to know or understand these things automatically. I have met many thousands of people, personally, but never yet met one human with extra sensory perception. You must tell them what you want them to know. And not once. Your boss, and his boss, are busy. They don't forget, but they do not have you and your future in the fronts of their minds all day every day. Their minds are usually pretty full of their own personal problems, needs, goals, and work situations, the demands of their bosses, the problems with your co - workers, and much more. You can get pretty lost in there.
In advertising, the rule is that the potential buyer must see or hear your ad at least half a dozen times before he or she begins to recognize it, and at least another half dozen times before they are inclined to buy and try, and even then they act only when there is some need for that kind of product or service.
Same with bosses.
You may have to mention it half a dozen times, and then another half dozen more, before your boss will have the great idea to use you as a spokesperson, or whatever it is that you want him to know and try you at. And, of course, you will say what a great idea HE had, to give you a chance at this. A rule of business seems to be that no boss ever tries anyone else's idea, only his own. Yes, you had to put it there into whatever it is that fills that 4.5 inches of empty space between his ears, at least a dozen times, but it was still his idea. Let him believe that, if it gets you your shot at stardom or whatever it is you want. Cheap at twice the price, if it works. If you remind him that you have been verbally whacking him over the head about this for the past six months, he may think you are ungrateful, and reconsider his decision. Don't blow it at this point, not after you have worked so hard to get it. Smile and nod and thank him, and shake his hand with great sincerety. (Learn acting, and facial and gesture and body control!) Keep after the personnel or human services director, also. Learn all you can about your company, and talk to every person in it, and one of them may be able to tell you when someone is leaving, and a slot opening, or someone like you is needed in another department at a better salary. You are the only one responsible for your own moving up.

Moving Up by Moving Sideways
The real fun in the game of careers starts at about forty or so, when you can start moving sideways, and get around all of the barriers and rigid formats that hold back most people. Don't hurry to get there, though, because you will not appreciate it until you have suffered and paid your dues and gone through all the hassles and taken all the crap.
There are basically four major tiers of business careers in the US today, and in most of recent history.
1. Business, commerce, trade (from manufacturing to media / entertainment / tv / sports, etc.)
2. Education (the business of)
3. Government, politics, military (the business of)
4. Non - profits and public service (the business of)
At a certain level, many successful people transfer from one tier to another. Robert MacNamara went from the Ford Foundation to Secretary of Defense. Former General and then President Eisenhower moved sideways to become the President of Princeton University, in three moves. Educator and author Robert Reich became Secretary of Labor. You can easily name forty or fifty other people who went sideways from a high office in one tier to a higher office in another.
Not musical chairs, though it looks like it. These were all smart career moves. In some cases, the money may not be as much as what was left behind, but the visibility or some other personal or career - valuable achievement was desired and obtained. Security. Fame. Prestige. Autonomy. Power. Or you might go from the relative penury but security of a tenured chair to a real wealth producer, albeit risky. Something that person wanted, and had not yet found.
Your task, right now, is to begin planning for and preparing for later sideways moves that will give you what you want most in life, when you get there. First step is to know and honestly face what you want, so you know what you have to do and where you have to go to get it. Then start making contacts in that desired area. It takes years. Start now, years before you are ready for it -- do not wait to the last minute. Others may want the same thing. Get in line early.
For example, I never wanted to be a manager, but every boss I ever had saw that I was smart and serious about my job, cheerful and liked, and they always wanted to move me up, and put me in charge of other people. But I always wanted my own time, for reading and study and knowledge and writing, and exploring ideas and meeting people. Basically, I am a scholar, a loner, not a joiner or leader or follower. I did not like working overtime, as the responsibilities of management so often required. I absolutely hated the way the job took so much of my personal life, and doing all those forms and paperwork are what gave me the concept of negative IQ. I had no free time for anything else but thinking and worrying about the job. And I hated being responsible for the people under me, and the unexpected things they did. You can not be both scholar and manager. I can't. Not at the same time. One or the other, or both, must suffer. So you must be one OR the other. I chose scholar, and went from job to job, serious, but limiting my involvement from 9 to 5, to learn what it was about, and leave when I chose, to run my own life as an independent student and observer and thinker. I chose autonomy. By that measure of choice, I was very successful.
You must make your own choices in your own life, in just the same way. For you, the promotion to manager might have been right, and what you most desire. Either way, make your own choice. Don't let others do it for you. Know and understand what you want, and go for it.
Good luck.

Solving Your People Problems
There are two main causes of problems with other people, at work and in every other situation. The first is poor communication, and the second is error in your mutual expectations of each other. In most cases, accurate mutual expectation also depends upon clear, prompt, accurate communications.
For example: When you stop at the news stand on the corner, there is little or no chance for error - you are there to buy a paper, and the dealer has papers to sell. No words are required - you simply point or pick up your paper, and hand him the money, and he gives you your change, if any is due. Period. The transaction is done, quickly and simply. The realistic expectations of each party have been met.
On the other hand, in marriage or at work (similar in so many respects), there are so many varieties of complex transaction, and thus potentials for error, that hardly a day can go by without some major cause for big problems in communication and expectations.
For instance, the boss expects you to come to work every day on time, clean, properly attired, rested and alert, ready to work hard, quickly and obediently, even enthusiastically, all day long, and maybe do a little overtime if necessary to get the work out as he has promised his boss up the ladder, in exchange for the big salary he is paying you. You, in turn, expect to be respected, your output recognized, and so forth, in return for coming in almost on time, maybe a little tired from last night, a little bored because the work is so monotonous, just like yesterday and last month and last year, dispirited because the damned cheapskate has not given you the raise you expected by now, and possibly a little perplexed or offended by his abrupt manner - now what the hell is bugging him? The situation is already primed for either a sitcom laugh, or a very real and even life - threatening tragedy which might make the evening news.
We expect certain things of our spouse, and our spouse expects certain things of us. One will bring home the bacon and the other will cook it. Or both will work and share duties. We expect to share necessary information for the relationship to work, and tell and listen and agree accordingly. Both are happy. The system works. But when one expects monogamy and the other expects polygamy (or polyandry), and they each believe the other expects the same, there are some potholes ahead in their road together. If either does not fully and accurately disclose to the other their expectations and rules and needs, expecting that the other knows what is meant and intended, there are going to be some unrealistic expectations held by each party.
This lack of communication and realistic expectations are the basis for most of the divorces and spousal murders in the news every week of every year. In the US, more people get divorced than stay married, and an awesome number of marriages end in verbal and physical violence, and thousands every year end in death of one or both parties. Check the latest statistics.   Awesome! Ninety - nine percent due to lack of communication and in unrealistic expectations held by one or both, usually right from the beginning. But what man is going to say to his beautiful and adoring and trusting bride on his wedding day that he will cleave unto her until she gets some wrinkles and sags and he finds a firm new young body and adoring trust and deeper cleavage to cleave unto? Why do we not tell every young lady that the primary and most basic physical purpose of every male of every species is to inseminate every female he can, and that the primary and most basic physical purpose of every female of every species is to bear young, which means to become inseminated by at least one male? This fact is totally unacceptable in the US today. In Europe they understand it a little better than we do, but they still kill each other over it. It is not a matter of volition or intent on either party. The only purpose of life is life itself, the survival and continuation of every species by procreation. The reproduction drive transcends any and every other law, including every law made by man. When a male perceives a female making herself open to him, his brain shuts down and his body responds and all that is necessary is for them to find a time and place to accomplish the deed, as many times as necessary for his need to inseminate and her need to be inseminated is accomplished and satisfied. Whatever happens after that is inconsequential; the prime mission has been completed. There is an old saying that a man has just enough blood to run either his brain or his penis, but not both at the same time. That's just about right. An appropriate saying can probably be found for the better half. Our emotions, male and female, always and without exception, short circuit our logic. And the more attractive each party is, the more likely this is to happen, and the more frequently. Why can't movie stars stay married? You got it.
Why is this primary basic biological truth, to which we are all without exception subject, not taught to every male and female at or before twelve or thirteen, to prevent our unrealistic expectations of everlasting fidelity?
Then John can say to Mary, "Honey, I have to go and inseminate someone else, and I will be back just as soon as that is out of my system." And she can understand, and get on with her life, and welcome him back when he returns, and maybe even celebrate his success with him.
Nope. Not in America, you don't. That is too logical. Instead, he can't tell her, and when she finds out (and she always does), she will get all bent out of shape, and do something dreadful, because she has not been taught the truth and the honest facts of life. She has unrealistic expectations. She has been taught the two major lies of equality and sexual fidelity, and so she expects both. Great theories. Wonderful principles. Unfortunately, Mother Nature has her own laws and rules, based on different great theories and wonderful principles, and they ALL supersede the puny laws and rules and principles and theories of man. So. . . Unrealistic expectations. And Mary's emotions overcome her logic. She goes down to the local pawnbroker and gets a nickel - plated revolver and some bullets and sits by the door waiting for that dirty bastard to show his ugly face. (Where do you think the soap operas get their ideas? From real life?) When he comes home, after emptying his piece, she empties her piece in turn. Tit for tat. Good for the goose is good for the gander. Half an ounce of lead balances half an ounce of sperm.
Will we ever realize that we have been deceived by the liberal theory that we are all equal? Not likely.
Reality says that men are basically polygamous and women basically monogamous, and neither equal but both complementary. Instead, today we have women believing in equality and going out to work and do every thing else that men do, to prove it, believing that it will work out and prove their equality. Unrealistic expectations. So we have the highest divorce and homicide rates in the world. And we have men confused by all of this, coming home to cook their own dinner and do their own laundry. And look some place else for a woman who will do what they want and expect. Unrealistic expectations. Generic mis-communication. Deliberate lies, fostered by the mindless social machine trying to fit itself to impossible liberal theories and principles which directly oppose natural biological laws that govern every living species, including man. If he can go out and get a little piece, why shouldn't she go out and get a little piece, too? Equality. And if she can't find an acceptable piece, she can go and buy a different kind of piece and blow him away when he comes back. Or she runs home to mommy and they go to the lawyers. That's who really profits out of all these unrealistic expectations and mis - communications.
The system is rigged against you, friend, and the lawyers run it, and profit most from it. Naturally, they perpetuate the system that benefits them so well. I would, too. We usually deserve what we get in life. And it looks as if that is not going to change in the foreseeable future. So, get used to it, and, if you can, use it to your advantage.
So why have this socio - biology paragraph in a book on careers? Because it provides such a great example of how communication and expectation are so basic and have such great effects upon every one of us. But we either forget them, do them unthinkingly, never learn or ignore the basics and rules, or think they do not apply to us. So our lives, and our careers, get all screwed up, as a direct result.
Every day the press and media are full of the results of communication and expectation errors, from international agreements violated by accident or intent, to fathers shooting children who disobeyed them, to drivers who expected another to allow them right of way when they blow horns louder or longer. From divorce and custody battles to drunken brawls. From empty political dialogue, to voter apathy or anger at the betrayal of an elected official.
The communication errors range from two people speaking different languages (visiting foreigners) to not hearing all the words (and meanings and intents and needs) spoken by another who speaks the same language. From a homonym error to not understanding the whisper of an elder or child. Perhaps worst of all is the wife who says her husband never listens to her, and the husband who says he tries to turn off her meaningless drone of inane chatter. Read the book "He Said, She Said." Read Korzybski and Hayakawa and other semanticists, and other communications experts. Learn all you can about communicating well. Then do it. Apply at home, and at work. Best of all: Listen more than talk. Be 90% ear, and 10% lip.
There are two major kinds of expectation error: expecting others to know or do something, and expecting others to not know or not do something.
For instance, the petty crook enters the liquor store and brandishes a gun and demands money. The person behind the counter expects every customer to request a brand of liquor and pay for it. He does not expect to see a gun pointed at him and hear a loud demand for money. The stickup man expects the victim to see his gun and be afraid and obey. He expects to be out of the store in a few moments, with a few hundred dollars. He does not expect the sales person to grab a gun and shoot back, maybe kill or injure him. He does not expect to be arrested and sent to prison for twenty years. If he truly did expect such things, he would not do such a stupid thing.   In the back of each mind there is the possibility of stickups and rebellion and retaliation, or some other unexpected possibility, but each does take the chance, expecting to get it right this time. He expects the best that can happen, not the worst. The prisons are full of failed expectations, and the hospitals and graveyards are full of crooks and victims who did not get it exactly right that last time. The president who squeezes a breast now and then, or gets a blow job in his office, expects to get away with a few of these little things once in a while, as his right for the power and prestige of his title. He certainly does not expect to be hauled before a jury on a sexual harassment charge, or be impeached and disgraced. A woman goes to work every day expecting to be treated civilly and equally, and does not expect to be groped and forced to kneel before her boss or spread her legs for him. Lovers communicate their ardor and expect their intended to understand and love them in return, and perhaps to reciprocate in great joy. They do not expect to be rebuffed and laughed at, and to be the object of water - cooler scuttlebutt and ridicule the next day. They do not expect to be punctured by blade or bullet for their troubles by an offended recipient, or their spouse, or a third party, including officers of the law.
If people thought just a little bit about the unrealistic expectations they hold, they would not do so many of the most stupid things imaginable.
Apply this principle to your career!
Our lives are full of assumptions and expectations that others will understand us, and do what we want, and not do what we do not want. We all expect that the other person will understand us, and know and go by the same rules that we believe we know and understand and go by.
Unfortunately, not everybody has read the same 'Rules of Order' for the situations at hand.
Unfortunately, not everybody sees things the same way we do.
Unfortunately, we do not take the time to listen and know and understand each other.
Unfortunately, almost everybody has different expectations in any given situation. What's that about point of view? Right!
So, as we go through each day in our personal and work lives, it behooves us to pay very careful attention to what we are communicating (verbally and non - verbally) to every other person we see or meet, and what every other person communicates (intentionally and unintentionally, verbally and non - verbally) to us, and to think about two things, what we expect of that person, and what that person expects of us.
To be wrong about these things may not only lose you your job, or get you 20 years upriver, it can cost you part of your person, or the remainder of your whole life.
To those who say that there is no time in a busy day for giving such full attention to every other person that one must deal with, I reply that once you have learned this practice, it can be done almost instantly, almost intuitively, with very little loss of time, and potentially great gain in relationships and results. In my Career Coaching sessions, we work very hard at learning to do this quickly and well. (212.876.5483)
Results are worth time and effort. Cut down on the number of relationships, and make each one more personal and productive. Indiscriminate networking, for instance, can be a great waste of time. Be discriminating. Choose more carefully in associates and relationships.
At least half of the success or failure in every situation in our lives is the result of our own success or fault in communication and our own correct or erroneous expectation of what another will and will not do in return. In most cases where something bad happens to us, it is from not paying attention, and from not communicating well, and from some kind or degree of unrealistic expectation.
The Zen Careerist will therefore sit down with his People List every day and think about each person he has dealt with today and in the past, and will deal with tomorrow or in the future, and clearly and simply note what he expected or expects of that person, and what he believes that person expects of him, and their past and possible future reactions to his words and actions.
The boss always has too many other people to deal with every day, so he can not give you more than a few minutes of his time. To expect him to give you a leisurely hour or so over lunch is out of the question. It is simply not realistic. To squeeze Betty's fanny when she is bending over her desk can be expected to result in a sound slap in the face, a loud scream, a sexual harassment charge, and a possible big fine or prison time, or perhaps the arrival of an angry spouse or relative or boyfriend intent on beating you into a pulp. That's real life and a real expectation. To expect her to instantly throw her arms around you and make a heartfelt plea for a meeting in her bedroom tonight is an absolutely unrealistic expectation. Don't do it. To laugh openly at your boss when he makes a mistake and expect a raise next week is unrealistic. To expect that he will be angry and vengeful is realistic. To support him and help him gracefully recover from an error situation may lead to recognition of your finer qualities and a closer relationship, and perhaps to lead to a possible future reward of some kind, is not at all unrealistic, in most cases. Laughter at another's expense will be remembered when you ask that person for help. Be considerate of the feelings of every person you ever meet, any time, any place.
Sometimes, no matter what we do, life can and will give us a kick in the face. We see a person in difficulty and rush in to help, and the person thinks we are an additional threat, taking advantage of her difficulty, and screams for help. Or we turn away when we see a person in difficulty, and she later charges us with not helping. Or another observer charges us. (There are now many such 'good Samaritan' laws on the books.) Some people do not want to be helped, either through stubbornness, or not realizing the danger of their plight, or fear of further problems from you, or simple shyness or reticence, or the knowledge that they are not able to repay you and do not want to accept the obligation. Others will be grateful beyond your expectation. How to tell? Paying attention, and thinking it out, and clearly and politely offering to help, from a non - threatening distance, using the proper non - aggressive body language, may make your intentions clear to them and others, may alert them to their danger, may lead to understanding and the appropriate response. Or not, if they are too dense to properly read your offer. Be careful.
Some of us like to dress casually, or extremely (as judged by others), so it is realistic to expect that some of those others may not understand our intentions or motives. They expect you to dress according to their code. They may have no experience with yours, may not know the rules of your group. They may see your appearance and manner as an offense to the rules of their group, or even a threat to them and their obedience of their own rules and proper lives. They may respond with withdrawal or counter offense, or worse, if they perceive a serious offense. This is real life fact. So, if you like to dress or act extremely, you must realistically expect such reactions from others, and not be surprised or offended in turn when it happens.
If you take offense to the offense taken by another, you are participating in an escalating situation that can and usually does lead to violence, and another tidbit on the evening news. Poor communication. Unrealistic expectations. Realistic responses. Disaster. Tragedy.
Think ahead. Know the expectations of others. At best, you may realistically expect to not be making friends and influencing people, as Dale Carnegie espoused. (Great book. Every Zen Careerist will read it -- several times -- and use it -- with every expectation of beneficial results.)
At best you may get a cold shoulder, be ignored. At worst, that person may be armed, and had a bad day, and be looking for an excuse to vent and ventilate, willing to use you as his target. We read and hear so often about someone being killed over a candy bar or something else as trivial. It was not over that candy bar. It was because of egos, and each expecting the other to back down, and neither did, so the situation escalated into deadly violence. It takes only a few seconds for his 45 to use up all of your 45 future work years, all of the rest of your life. A calm smile and courteous gesture can save your life. It is said that four out of five people are angry at some point on any day in the year, and that in some urban areas in the United States today, as many as half of all the males you meet on the street are armed with some kind of lethal weapon. (I'm always armed, and an expert shooter since childhood, but, outside of my military service, have never had to use any weapon against another human.) Add to that volatile mixture an opportunity or excuse to vent (what a beautiful term), and it is a wonder that the US homicide rate, already one of the highest in the world, is not much higher. (Whenever I leave my window open on the fire escape in the summer, to get some air, and living in a high density urban location, I have my (licensed) 45 on my person. If someone enters my domicile uninvited, whether to rob me or to secretly bring me the winning lottery ticket, he stands an extremely high probability of exiting the front door feet first, deceased, while I do all the paperwork necessary. I have been very careful to make a lot of friends in my local precinct house, firing range, and other important settings, something that burglars don't do, and usually can't, allowing me a substantial advantage over them, in addition to logical expectation, logical preparation, and good marksmanship.)
You may be dead right. And still be dead. Right?
The Zen Careerist makes friends. As many friends as he possibly can. Not enemies. Not even one, if he possibly can. He deliberately chooses to continue to live, to continue enjoying his successful career. Life can be good. Or life can be hell on earth. Life is what you choose it to be, by your intentions, communications, actions, and expectations. Learn how to choose. Learn how to use realistic intentions, expectations, actions, and realistic communications.
Spend a few minutes every day with your people lists, studying yourself as well as others, studying the successful and the unsuccessful interactions and communications between you and each of them, to see what worked and what didn't, and why. Plan to correct any mistakes you made today, if at all possible. Plan to learn from those mistakes. Plan to avoid future mistakes you might make. Plan to do better tomorrow with every person you may meet.
Now let's look at how this applies in our careers.

Unrealistic Career Expectations
Most of us want promotion to a better position, but often make a very serious mistake in not looking carefully at the job we are to be promoted to. We expect too much, or something else entirely, so we are seriously surprised and disappointed when we get there.
'There' may be the next job up in our present company, or a top job a few years hence in another company. We all know that if we get more money, more effort will be expected of us, and we are certain that we can do that job and meet those expectations. Real life figures indicate that most of us make false assumptions is this, both ways, most of the time. Oh, we can probably do the work, and meet most of the bosses expectations. But 'probably' and 'most' are not good enough to be a career success at it, or even survive the experience sometimes.
Success means that we can exceed expectations and contribute more than average to that job. Yes, most of us grow into the job, from not being professional level at the beginning. And we will be given time to prove ourselves. But very few of us truly make substantial contributions to our jobs after a certain level. What is the Peter Principle? How can we tell when we have been promoted beyond our capacities and talents? Usually we can't, until after we have gotten there, and the results simply don't happen. How many company presidents get fired and promoted sideways out of responsibility (and trouble) each year, and how many are saved by the good people under them?
Being good at choosing and using people under and around you will usually save your skin, but not always, or forever. A lot of it has to do with your own abilities and your understanding of when you have gone high enough, and still love the work you do.
One indicator is that happiness and feeling of competence. When you have that, and see another promotion coming up, you want to look at that next job very carefully to make sure that you are not losing more than you are gaining, in the things most important to you. Money is not always a substitute for love of the work you do. Be sure, perhaps by subbing for the present holder of that job, that you will like doing it as much or more than what you are doing right now. Do your best to make no unrealistic assumptions about either yourself or that job and what it entails. And if you are the manager, you may want to be sure that the person you expect to promote has the abilities needed in that new job by having him sub for the person presently holding it.
Know that lesser people are sometimes chosen for a job just to take the heat for something dumb someone else did, and the trouble that smarter people see coming. The scapegoat was a real goat, upon which the biblical Jews ceremonially placed all their sins, and sent out into the wilderness to be punished by God (or eaten by lions), taking the heat off them. If you let people load all of the company sins on your ass and send you out to take the heat for them, it is your own fault. You have not been paying attention. You did not look carefully enough at that job before you accepted it. You may well have examined your own expectations and motives and abilities, but did you examine the motives and agendas and expectations of those who offered you that job or helped put you there? Are you the victim of unrealistic expectations? Did you fall for flattery, complacency, uncritical belief in the goodness of others and their intentions toward you? Did you turn a skeptical eye on any blandishments or emoluments? Did you ask yourself, "Why have they chosen me?" "Why me, instead of Charlie or Sam or Mary or Jane?" "Has anyone else turned down this job?" "Who could do it better than I can?" "Is there a trap here, or some reason not visible to me?" "Why is this salesman offering me all these extras on this old car - is it a lemon?" Did you ask, "Qui bono?"
Jungle paths are often paved with light coatings of grass over deep pits containing sharp stakes to impale the unwary. When the leader of the expedition wants to be sure he and his crew will go safely along a jungle path he will often assign the least valuable member of the crew to go ahead and lead. (And fall into any traps.) Are you the most expendable member of your boss's crew? Are you being assigned the job of going ahead and testing the path for him and others? Will you do the same to the most expendable member when you are an expedition leader? Are you ruthless enough to send ahead the least valuable, and if necessary sacrifice him, so the rest may get through? How often has business been called a jungle? Are you agile enough and sharp enough to see when the grass will not hold your weight? Do you feel bulletproof today?
Caution and true humility are major characteristics of the Zen Careerist. He is not easily taken advantage of, because he knows ALL of his own faults and weaknesses, and is not easily fooled by the compliments and blandishments of others, nor attracted by high stakes without fully knowing their dangers. If he does take the job, it is only after he knows for certain that he can do it, that he will love doing it, and will have no compunction doing whatever is necessary in that job,and that he is not being sacrificed or a scapegoat. He will have looked at the job with a very critical eye, trying out in it, noting what is entailed and what is expected of him, and all it involves, before he commits his career, his future, and maybe his life. He will try to have very realistic expectations, balanced between optimism and wary reserve. Not all men are that smart, nor as truthful to themselves and their goals and their work and their employers.
If you have made your career plan, you can usually see whether this offered position is on or close to that path, or a minor or major detour or dead end, or you can evaluate it as a new opportunity, and your decision is made for you.
One key danger warning is that the job must be filled today - you must make your decision right now - you are given no time to think about it. Like the salesman saying that the sale ends today for this $9.99 real bargain item. Say no. Politely but firmly decline. Never let yourself be rushed into a position or decision. Every ad says "Hurry up - last chance for a bargain!" If you have not already examined that item, or job, and want it already, and they will not give you time to open the box and examine this great wonderful bargain, it is probably best to refuse and sincerely thank them for considering you, while holding onto your wallet with a two handed death grip.
How to refuse? Every situation is different, so you must choose your own way. You might nominate another (perhaps an enemy?), or demand so much (in perks or other terms as well as money) that the offer is withdrawn or you are passed by, or you might straight out clearly state your objections and graciously decline the honor. Will you be de - considered for future promotions? Often, yes. But even so, that may be better than being a casualty statistic. Will they ever nominate you for a raise or promotion again? Of course, if both your work and people skills are good (those are the most important criteria of all), and you know and do the other things in this book. In fact, they may respect you, and even admire you, for not being someone not easily fooled, if that was a trap. You may have shown them that you are not the most expendable one.
If you make your specific career goals and planned path to them clearly known to your superiors, well in advance, and your unwillingness to accept substitutes or detours, you may often keep their respect, earn their admiration. This is another reason to have a second income -- remember Career Rule #1? -- to be able to avoid such dangers as their anger over your refusal and avoidance of their unreasonable expectations of finding you an easy scapegoat for their problems. This is also why careful planning of your career path, and yet maintaining enough flexibility to evade catastrophe and jump at a good opportunity, is so valuable to your career success.

Resumés and Cover Letters
You already have a job, or you would not be reading this book or taking my coaching. (I only coach those who are already working, have three to five years of experience, and have held at least three different jobs.) So you presumably know about resumés and cover letters. You've read the many books, dealt with professional writers and word processing templates, and know the rules and when to break them, so I'll only remind you of two important considerations.
The old rule about keeping it simple so you do not confuse others applies here. Don't put everything on your resumé, but only those things that will advance you toward your goal. If you love gardening as a hobby, ask yourself if that will advance you toward your career goal, or might confuse a superior. Most people think that the more they put on their resumés the more chances they have for something to click and make them wanted. Good principle for a variety store. Wrong principle here. Who earns more, the jack - of - all - trades, or the specialist? Make yourself a specialist in one thing, and people will remember you for being good at that, and pay you specialist rates. More than three things on a resumé are too much for others to remember for long. Even two things can confuse them. But your name connected with only one specialty will stick in their minds for life. You are focusing their expectations on what you have proven you can deliver. That always works best for all concerned. Save the gardening for the garden club, bridge at the bridge club, and so forth, where it will do you the most good, and you can meet people.
Beware the danger of making the thing you love also your work. It is usually best to keep vocation and avocation separate, for a failure at work means you may lose the thing you love also, when they are the same.
Case: Dan was an amateur photographer for fifteen years, loving it and making wonderful pictures. Then he decided to also make it his business. In a short time he became moderately good at it. But after a while he was not able to take a picture without thinking about how to sell it, and what it would bring. Dan stopped taking pictures for pleasure and for himself, and began to take only pictures that he knew he could sell. Then he began to take pictures he did not want to take, simply because others paid him to do it. They paid well, and he made very good quality pictures, opened his own studio, and made very good money, but very soon his heart was not in it. Since the day he closed his studio and layed off his help, two years later, thirty five years ago, Dan has never taken another picture. The joy and beauty are no longer there in it for him, though they are still there in nature, and he can see and appreciate them, but not with a camera in his hand.
Others have survived this kind of problem, and made their love their life work. It is simply something you may have to think about someday, so be prepared.

When To Stop
Know when you have reached your best (most satisfactory, to you) career level. Stop there. Do not let anyone promote you past that point into jobs that you will not do well, not enjoy, and which can even destroy you.
The Zen Careerist looks inside, to know himself, and looks outside, to know the world.
When we first start working for others, we see no barrier to soon becoming the boss, perhaps someday owning the company. Then reality sets in, and disillusionment. The weak soon sink beneath the waves of despair. The twin arts of patience and self - recovery can save your life. Knowing truth and reality and achieving balance will make life worth living again. Not all things are possible, but of those that are, you can choose the best for you, and make of them a basis to go very far indeed toward happiness and satisfaction.
You may know all of these things, in theory, but can you do them in reality?
That is where self - discipline and learning from the experiences of others comes in so handy. Pay attention. Ask questions. Open - ended questions, not simple yes / no ones. Get people to talk. Listen to their answers. The whole answer. Draw out the other, and give yourself time enough to listen to his whole story. Ask him what he did right and what he did wrong. Ask what he learned from doing this or that. Ask especially what he learned from his mistakes. Be a good student and let everyone teach you. Let others take chances and break trail for you and the whole company. Bold and old is very rare. When you have a problem, find a ‘brave young Turk' to test the trail for you. Turk or turkey. Practice watching and thinking, humility, patience, asking, listening, learning, and grow old and wise. Reaching retirement age in one piece can be one of the most satisfying of all joys. (I know!) Be grateful to those who have given up so much for your career success, even when they did not plan it that way. Do not be the one so dis - membered and remembered by those old survivors with the cheery eyes. No wonder they are so happy and like to meet so many other people. Other people can be so handy.

Realistic People Expectations
Here is a short (partial) list of lists you might want to make about your own expectations and those of others about you. Fill out one of these about yourself and every person you know or deal with, and soon you will become a very wise person. (No more than the 3 most important items, each.)
List of my expectations about Mr/Ms _____:
1.
2.
3.
List of the expectations of Mr/Ms _____ about me:
1.
2.
3.
List of my expectations about myself:
1.
2.
3.
List of my weaknesses:
1.
2.
3.
List of my strengths
1.
2.
3.
List of my vanities:
1.
2.
3.
List of compliments I desire most
1.
2.
3.
List of ways others can take advantage of me:
1.
2.
3.
List of things about myself that I do not want to admit in public
1.
2.
3.
List of things about myself I do not want to admit to myself:
1.
2.
3.
List of past mistakes I have made with Mr/Ms ____ :
1.
2.
3.
List of past mistakes Mr/Ms ____ has made about me:
1.
2.
3.
List of past mistakes I have made about myself:
1.
2.
3.
List of mistakes not to make again:
1.
2.
3.
List of things I still have to learn about others:
1.
2.
3.
List of things I still have to learn about myself:
1.
2.
3.
List of things I still have to learn about Mr/Ms _____
1.
2.
3.
List of things Mr/Ms ____ still has to learn about me
1.
2.
3.
Etcetera.

Work out the rest of your lists for yourself. For instance, what lists should you make about your communications abilities, in general and with specific people, and they with you, and they with others, and . . .   List of verbal / non - verbal communication errors I have made with _______?
What lists of communications and expectations should you make about yourself in regard to your present job?   Do them. Your next job? Your present boss? His boss? Your next boss? Your co - workers? Those you manage, or will? Your goals? Your five year plan? Your ten year plan? Your spouse, present or future? Present and potential members of your Career Support Team? Who else? What else?

End of Chapter Seven
Click HERE to go to Chapter 8

Click HERE to go to the Introduction
Click HERE to go to Table of Contents
Click HERE to go to Chapter 1    Your Career, your Life Work
Click HERE to go to Chapter 2    People Study
Click HERE to go to Chapter 3    Your Career in Context
Click HERE to go to Chapter 4    Setting Your Career and Life Goals
Click HERE to go to Chapter 5    Long Term Career Development
Click HERE to go to Chapter 6    Career Strategies and Tactics
Click HERE to go to Chapter 7    Realistic Expectations
Click HERE to go to Chapter 8    Your Personal Career Support Team
Click HERE to go to Chapter 9    Team Management; Research and Writing
Click HERE to go to Chapter 10   How to become an Expert
Click HERE to go to Chapter 11   Miscellaneous, and Executive Summary
Click HERE to go to Chapter 12   Your Personal Career Research Resources
Click HERE to go to Chapter 13   Those Awful People At Work Problems
Click HERE to go to Chapter 14   Assumptions and Expectations
Click HERE to go to Appendices
Click HERE to go to Bibliography
Click HERE to go to Index
Click HERE to go to Personal Career Coaching FAQ
Click HERE to return to my HomePage, to access COP and other documents

Careerists, please contact me directly to obtain your own personal printed copy of Career Zen, more complete and up to date, especially with the latest on Internet career information sources and research.   Note that Career Zen is privately published, is only for my clients, and is not available in any bookstore or from any other source.

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